'Game of Thrones' characters as famous athletes

Oberyn is very much a wide receiver, like DeSean Jackson. He’s agile, he’s flamboyant and he celebrates early, like when he managed to take down The Mountain in a trial by combat but got tripped and then murdered when after taunting him. That’s like fumbling the football one foot short of the goal line.

Jon Snow is clearly the GOAT of "GoT." He and MJ eventually defeat all comers, whether it’s the Bad Boy Pistons, Pat Riley’s Knicks or the armies of Ramsay Bolton. Jon and MJ are both unrelenting practice players, they love oversized clothing, they were traumatized by their father’s deaths and they’ve often been disrespected because of their height. As leaders, sometimes they make questionable decisions (drafting Kwame Brown; going on a suicide mission to bring back a wight). When Snow was resurrected by Melisandre, it was like Jordan coming back from playing baseball. He may as well have sent a raven reading “I’m Back” to the rest of Westeros. Jordan was “Air,” and as Rhaegar Targaryen’s true son, Snow is “heir” to the throne of the Seven Kingdoms. Plus, anyone who’s played for or against Jordan knows that he can be a real bastard.

Wun Wun came to Westeros from the foreign territory of Hardhome, just like Yao Ming came over to the NBA from China. Both Yao and Wun Wun were massive, dominant offensive forces who ultimately couldn't overcome their myriad injuries.

Both Jorah Mormont and Bartolo Colon should have been finished years ago, but thanks to experimental medical procedures (stem cell therapy, greyscale removal), they're still out there competing. Yes, they are both journeymen — Colon has played for 11 teams; Ser Jorah wandered all the way to Meereen at the edge of Essos — but they get it done for the love of the game or the love of the Dragon Queen.

Jeor Mormont, "The Old Bear," was Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. He's like George Halas, the oldest Chicago Bear there was, who joined the team when it was still the Decatur Staleys. Halas coached the Bears and also played offense and defense, in the same way that Mormont both directed the Night's Watch and went out on expeditions beyond the Wall. Halas eventually died of pancreatic cancer, while Mormont died because of the cancerous mutineers under his command.

From the 1990 to 1993 NFL seasons, the Buffalo Bills went to four straight Super Bowls. And like Beric Dondarrion, they kept getting killed, and they kept coming back.

Like Mary Decker, Rickon Stark is an impressive endurance runner. After all, he managed to avoid capture for years after he was presumed dead at Winterfell. But like Decker, who won gold medals in the 1,500 and 300 meters at the 1983 World Championships (the "Double Decker"), Rickon's maneuverability was limited on the biggest stage. Decker tripped after colliding with Zola Budd at the 1984 Olympics; Rickon was felled by a Ramsay Bolton arrow before the Battle of the Bastards because he couldn't run in a zigzag pattern.

The mightiest of all the horse lords on the Dothraki sea, Khal Drogo can only be the mightiest racehorse of them all: Secretariat. Drogo never lost a battle, and Secretariat almost never lost a big race, with 16 wins in 21 races, plus three second places and a third. Both the horse and Jason Momoa are known for their "well-muscled hindquarters," and both were highly desirable studs.

Alliser Thorne was a skilled fighter who led the Night's Watch to a come-from-behind victory in the snow against the wildlings, evoking memories of former Packers quarterback Brett Favre. Where Thorne also matched up with Favre is his extreme disinterest in training young Night's Watch prospect Jon Snow, much like Favre disdained Aaron Rodgers. Eventually Thorne would betray Snow and the Watch by murdering him, just as Favre betrayed Rodgers and the Packers by signing with their rivals, the Minnesota Vikings. Snow came back from the dead to sentence Thorne to death, while Favre's unwanted sexting was revealed and tarnished his career.

Tormund and Dodgers third baseman Justin Turner both have a lot of power, they do better when the weather gets cold and, well, just look at them! They've both been kissed by fire.

Sam Tarly and David Ortiz were both large men who were disrespected in their former homes of Horn Hill in the Reach and the Minnesota Twins organization, respectively. But once they both ended up in places with a giant wall, they began to come into their own. Eventually, Sam killed a White Walker and Ortiz defeated the New York Yankees in the playoffs, reversing what seemed like centuries of losing.

Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish was a lot like former Sixers general manager Sam Hinkie in his approach to power. Both ruthlessly and dispassionately acquired assets, whether it was second-round picks or a castle in the Vale. Hinkie and Littlefinger also don't mind losing if it improves their long-range position, whether that means dropping 72 games or dropping Lysa Arryn out the Moon Door. The results were often spectacular — Baelish became Lord of Harrenhal, and Hinkie drafted All-Star Joel Embiid — but both would eventually learn that you can only scheme for so long, as Hinkie was unceremoniously fired, while Littlefinger got his throat cut with his own dagger.

Styr is the Magnar of Thenn, a savage fighter with wild body art on his face. Who could that be but Mike Tyson? The difference is that while Tyson told Lennox Lewis he was going "eat his children," Styr told a child, Olly, that he was going to eat his parents.

Both Steph and Dany have a family pedigree, both are underestimated for their small stature and both rain down fire and destruction from above. Daenerys and Steph have both uplifted downtrodden populations who suffered for decades, whether they were the former slaves of Meereen or the fans of the Golden State Warriors. And both employ mercenaries like the Unsullied or Kevin Durant. And sometimes they both lose the ball, or a dragon, at key moments.

Like Rhaegal, Chris Bosh is also the least heralded of a powerful Big Three. He does the dirty work, letting Drogon shine, and he's deadly from distance. Plus, Bosh kinda looks like a dragon.

Both Balon Greyjoy and Ryan Lochte are skilled in the water, but boy do they make bad decisions! Balon rebelled against Robert Baratheon disastrously. Lochte posted a photo of his illegal IV on Instagram. Balon rebelled against the Throne and failed, and Lochte made a false police report during the Rio Olympics. And given what we've seen of Lochte and other Iron Islanders, these guys would party really hard if they ever met.

Whether it's nailing Jeremy Giambi at the plate in the 2011 ALDS or severing Jaime Lannister's right hand, there's no doubt that Derek Jeter and Locke are two of the most memorable cutoff men of all time.

Ronda Rousey is an MMA fighter who graduated into acting, playing roles in "Expendables 3" and "Furious 7." The Waif is a Faceless Man, and her two main pursuits are fighting and pretending to be someone else with their detachable Faces; in other words, acting. Both of them seemed impossible to beat, until Rousey had to fight Holly Holm and the Waif had to fight Arya Stark in a dark room. Both never won a fight after that, because of either becoming a professional wrestler or being dead.

Hall of Fame second baseman Eddie Collins is the all-time leader in sacrifices with 512 — 120 more than the next person on that list. Melisandre, the Red Woman, has probably made 512 sacrifices to the Lord of Light. Melisandre's been around for eternity; Collins played 24 seasons. Collins was one of the all-time leaders in stolen bases; Melisandre helped take Castle Black, and we wouldn't put it past her to have helped throw the 1919 World Series as well.

Benjen Stark is former relief pitcher Francisco Cordero because they're both former Rangers who racked up a lot of saves. Cordero had 49 in 2004; Benjen saved Bran Stark, Meera Reed and Jon Snow from wights. Benjen was rescued from the horrible fate of becoming a White Walker by the Children of the Forest; Cordero was saved from the horrible fate of playing on the early-2000s Detroit Tigers by a fortuitous trade. And their nicknames are almost the same: "CoCo" and "Coldhands."

Jaime Lannister and Cristiano Ronaldo are wonderfully skilled, flamboyant pretty boys who have little trouble achieving their goals. Both have committed crimes – Ronaldo engaged in massive tax fraud, Jaime shoved a little boy out of a window. Still they bounced back, although neither can use their hands.

Aeron Greyjoy performs a lot of baptisms, just like Tim Tebow, though it's not clear if the Drowned God requires Aeron to assist with circumcisions, as Tebow did in the Philippines. And the Iron Islands baptism involves drowning, which is what Tebow does whenever a pitcher throws him a changeup away.

Becky Hammon was a six-time WNBA All-Star, while Yara Greyjoy was the finest captain in the Iron Islands. Both broke into the male-dominated worlds of NBA coaching and piracy, respectively, though both eventually had to go abroad to find work: Hammon became a naturalized Russian citizen, and Yara allied herself with Daenerys Targaryen. Now who does Hammon have to kidnap to get an NBA head-coaching gig?

Pyat Pree and Gilbert Arenas were both talented Wizards who made poor decisions when they confronted people in the workplace. Arenas brought guns to the Washington locker room over a bet with Javaris Crittenton, while Pyat Pree chained up Daenerys Targaryen in an attempt to get her dragons. Neither realized they were dealing with a killer.

Varys, the Master of Whisperers, is the Adrian Wojnarowski of King’s Landing, making it his business to know all the gossip and get the rumors early from his network of “little birds.” If they’d had Twitter in Westeros, he would have been tipping all the picks for kings and knighthoods a few minutes before they were announced. "Sources: Tywin Lannister assassinated by crossbow. #VarysBomb"

Both Xaro Xhoan Daxos and Andrew Wiggins are impressive-looking guys with big vaults. But over the course of a single season, it becomes clear that they're frauds.

Ramsay Bolton and Floyd Mayweather Jr. are both excellent fighters and serial abusers of women, whose awful behavior is overlooked by those around them because they make so much money for their bosses. Watching them gets tedious, whether it's Ramsay tormenting Theon endlessly or Mayweather sitting back and playing defense for 12 rounds. Plus, Mayweather fought Conor McGregor, which was a real-life Battle of the Bastards.

The gruffest of the Sand Snakes, Obara Sand gets smacked down by Olenna Tyrell during their first meeting when Olenna says, "What is your name — Barbaro?" But she and Barbaro, the 2006 Kentucky Derby champion, do have some similarities. They started off with victories — Barbaro won the Derby, and Obara helped Ellaria Sand murder Doran Martell and Princess Myrcella. But it falls apart quickly, as Barbaro suffered a fatal leg break in the Preakness Stakes after a false start, and Obara was stabbed to death with her own spear after a false start to her alliance with Queen Dany. The difference is that Barbaro was beloved by America, while Obara and the Sand Snakes were nearly universally hated by show watchers.

Roose Bolton betrayed his ally Robb Stark to go play on a superteam with Tywin Lannister and Mace Tyrell. Kevin Durant did the same thing to Russell Westbrook, metaphorically stabbing him in the heart and saying, "Draymond Green sends his regards." Also, Roose spends a great deal of time exchanging secret messages with Tywin while he plots, the Westeros equivalent of using burner accounts.

Barristan Selmy was a workhorse. He served in the Kingsguard for 40 years, which is even longer than Cal Ripken Jr.'s consecutive games streak, and both remained elite performers the whole time. Then after he was fired, Barristan was such a machine that he immediately sailed across the world to join a Queensguard. Even Cal would say, "Dude, take a vacation."

It's not a surprise what Biter, prisoner-turned-Lannister-soldier, does in a fight: He bites. What was a surprise was when former MLB catcher Miguel Olivo fought with teammate Alex Guerrero in the Dodgers' Triple-A team dugout and bit off a chunk of his ear. 

Tywin Lannister is assuredly the Bill Belichick of Westeros. Delivering on the Red Wedding is his version of the upset victory of the Patriots over the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI. Sure, he may have bent the rules somewhat — filming a walkthrough for Bill, violating a guest right to facilitate a mass murder for Tywin. If he had the technology, Tywin would have been secretly recording opponents all the time. He would have gone undefeated except for an overlooked adversary — for Belichick it was Eli Manning; for Tywin it was Tyrion.

Offensive lineman Kevin Gogan was known as one of the NFL’s dirtiest, most vicious players, even kicking Neil Smith of the Broncos in the groin during the Pro Bowl. Still, as savage and disrespectful of the rules as Gogan may have been, ultimately his instinct was to be a protector, even when working for nefarious organizations (the Lannisters/the Dallas Cowboys).

Allen Iverson and Lyanna Mormont, the Lady of Bear Island, are small but fierce. They're both stylish and deliver incredible speeches, some of which are less inspirational than others — although technically Mormont was talking about the practice of having a Stark king in the North.

Like five-time Pro Bowler Tony Boselli, Hodor could have been an incredible offensive lineman, They're both good at holding back attackers, but unfortunately, both end up in a collapsing organization (Stark family post-Eddard beheading; 2002 Houston Texans). Poor David Carr shouted, “Hold the door!” over and over as he was sacked an NFL-record 76 times in 2002.

Thoros of Myr brought Beric Dondarrion back from the dead six different times using the power of the Lord of Light. Dr. Frank Jobe resurrected a hundred times that many pitching careers, using the power of Tommy John surgery. Thankfully, Dr. Jobe didn't have to light his scalpel on fire before surgeries.

Grey Worm is an incredible defender with great instincts and a real feel for the battle. He's willing to defend much larger opponents and fight dirty if he has to. Also Rodman's nickname is "The Worm"! And like Rodman, former paramour of Madonna and Carmen Electra, and frequenter of gay bars, the castrated Grey Worm has atypical sexuality, but it doesn't prevent him from hooking up with Missandei.

Rattleshirt was a tough wildling and notorious trash-talker who got beaten down when he took it too far with Tormund Giantsbane. Talking smack to Tormund was the wildling equivalent of charging the mound against Nolan Ryan, and the result was the same: a humiliating trouncing in front of his own team. Also, Ventura would have been a more intimidating White Sox manager if he wore a giant’s skull over his head on the bench.

Braavos was a free city founded by former slaves to Valyria, which then became devoted to banking. There's no sports figure who sticks up for worker rights and is obsessed with getting paid as much as super-agent Scott Boras. If he had his way, anyone going to a baseball arbitration hearing would have to sail through the legs of a giant Boras statue.

King Joffrey is closest to Chris Paul, the point guard for the Houston Rockets and the Los Angeles Clippers. He’s undersized, he tends to whine to the officials, his house is falling apart, he acts like royalty even though he's never won anything himself and he very well might have drank hamstring poison before a crucial playoff series. They've both been known to choke!

Queen Cersei is John Calipari, the scandal-ridden basketball coach at the University of Kentucky, after fleeing Memphis State and UMass ahead of NCAA sanctions. Neither has scruples about engaging in morally questionable behavior — recruiting violations for Calipari; blowing up half of King’s Landing with wildfire for Cersei — but both of them have a knack for recruiting amazing talents. For Calipari, it was Karl-Anthony Towns and DeMarcus Cousins; for Cersei, it was Euron Greyjoy and Zombie Gregor Clegane. 

Early '90s All-Star power forward Shawn Kemp was a devastating, brute-force player, unstoppably dunking on or war-hammering his opponents. Both gained a lot of weight after they got paid, both fathered a lot of children out of wedlock and one ultimately gets killed by a boar, the closest thing to getting taken out by a Bull that you’ll see in Westeros. Also, Robert only marries Cersei after Lyanna Stark gets “kidnapped” — meaning, she’s a rebound.

Ygritte, the female wildling warrior, is 2014 Winter Olympics biathlon gold medalist Darya Domracheva, who also won bronze at the 2012 Games. In the biathlon, you succeed by moving quickly through the snow and shooting with accuracy, two things Ygritte was great at. Thankfully Domracheva never fell in love with a biathlete from a rival nation, a romance that would doom them both.

Davos Seaworth is Jimmy Spithill, captain of the 2013 America’s Cup champion Oracle Team. Spithill's triumph, which required eight consecutive race wins, would be nothing compared to smuggling in a boat full of onions to Stannis Baratheon’s starving and besieged forces at Storm’s End. Plus, Larry Ellison might also be a harsh and ruthless boss, but he definitely wouldn’t cut off your fingers like Stannis did. The only thing Spithill suffered was a two-match penalty.

Like NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, Walder Frey loves to plot, has no morals and forces his ostensible partners into one-sized labor agreements, as he did to the Starks at the Twins. He’s also willing to betray longtime partners like Papa John’s to get what he needs. What’s Goodell’s version of the Red Wedding? Covering up the NFL’s concussion scandal.

Much like Hot Pie retired from the War of the Five Kings to work in a the kitchen at an inn, Brian Orakpo retired from the NFL and opened a cupcake franchise in Texas. Ironically the one danger to Hot Pie and his inn is getting sacked.

With speed, agility, a killer instinct and a tendency to chomp down on opponents, Snow’s direwolf has an almost identical skill set to Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez. Like Suarez, Summer is willing to sacrifice for the team, whether it's getting a red card for a World Cup-saving handball or dying at the hands of ice zombies protecting Bran's escape.

Bronn is tough, good at wielding a two-handed weapon, he’s missing some teeth, and while he’d definitely leave you in free agency for the right price, he’s loyal to his current team. Bronn is an enforcer, the Marty McSorley to Tyrion Lannister’s Wayne Gretzky, because he’s always got his back, and he’s delivered severe brain injuries before.

Eddard "Ned" Stark is like Michigan coach John Beilein: a guy who prides himself on running a squeaky-clean program — and loses in every big tournament to a big school that is unafraid to bend the rules. Both install a great culture, and both have sons following in their father’s footsteps – Patrick Beilein coaches at Niagara, and Robb Stark was both King of the North and murdered by his Lannister enemies.

Arya trained as Faceless Man, which means she can put on other people's faces and assume their identity. That’s like what Joyner-Kersee did in the heptathlon, where she had to put on the face of a sprinter, a hurdler, a javelin thrower and more in seven different track and field events. And trust us: In big meets, she was a killer. We wonder if she also recited the names of all her rivals before going to bed: “Heike Drechsler. Sabine John. Glynis Nunn. Anke Vater-Behmer…”

Loras Tyrell, the “Knight of Flowers,” was extremely successful in competitions, much like Olympian Michael Phelps. They both have great bodies, they win tournaments and they both shave down for big events. Phelps got busted for smoking pot, while Loras got in trouble for “laying with men,” neither of which should be a crime.

Neither Chauncey Billups nor Sansa Stark started out in a good situation. Sansa went from Winterfell to King’s Landing, then to the Vale with Littlefinger and eventually was married off to Ramsay Bolton. Billups was dumped by the Celtics, then the Raptors, then the Nuggets, before finally going to the Stark family’s favorite team, the Timberwolves. When each finally got an opportunity to lead — in Detroit for Chauncey and at the Battle of the Bastards for Sansa — they turned out to be MVPs. 

Bran Stark oversees everything in Westeros from above as the Three-Eyed Raven, which is the ultimate offensive coordinator of the "Game of Thrones" world. He’s young, but he’s been given a lot of power due to his talent, though it also has to do with who his family is. While he has a lot of potential, his decision-making crumbles when matched up with an aging rival like the Night King or Bill Belichick.

Until Bronn gave him an impromptu shave, Maester Pycelle had a long, grubby beard just like Jeff Bagwell, and he hunches over all the time, like Bagwell trying to shrink the strike zone. And just like any baseball star from the mid-'90s, you can’t trust the potions that Pycelle has been giving out.

In the Westeros version of Victor Conte's BALCO lab, Maester Qyburn and his dark arts managed to bring Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane back from the brink of death, which is almost as impressive as getting Barry Bonds to break the all-time home run record at age 37.

Qhorin Halfhand is one of the most famous rangers in the Night's Watch, roaming around delivering punishment to any enemies he finds. That also sounds like the job description for Hall of Fame free safety Ronnie Lott. What else do they have in common? Qhorin lost three fingers to an ax attack, while Lott had the tip of his pinkie finger amputated because the recovery time for reconstructive surgery was too long.

Quaithe is a powerful, mask-wearing shadowbinder from Qarth, who we see trying to protect sailors and Queen Dany. Another powerful, mask-wearing woman who's excellent at protection is Shannon Szabados, three-time Olympic medalist and quite possibly the greatest women's hockey goalie of all time.

Tyene Sand is a lot like Cavaliers guard J.R. Smith. Both specialize in daggers; her are the actual knives, his are the back-breaking threes. She studied poisons; he’s locker room poison. They both have spent time in jail, and they both like to take their shirts off.

Because of his ferocity, wild beard and helmet with horns on it, Shagga, leader of the Stone Crows, is clearly Jared Allen, who made four Pro Bowls for the horned-helmet-wearing Minnesota Vikings. Like his hill tribe brethren, did a lot of sacking.

Salladhor Saan, who rescued Davos Seaworth after the Battle of Blackwater, is Dave Parker. Salladhor and Parker both have cool nicknames — "The Prince of the Narrow Sea" and "The Cobra," they're both great Pirates and they'll switch teams if there's enough money involved.

Breanna Stewart is the best female basketball player in the world, just as Brienne of Tarth is the greatest female warrior in Westeros. They're both very tall. Brienne is virtually undefeated in battle, just as Stewart was nearly undefeated at UConn. In fact, one of the only three schools who ever beat Stewart's Huskies was Baylor, and Brienne also had a difficult time with Bears.

Maester Aemon, the maester at Castle Black, knows the rule book of Westeros through and through, and he’s almost completely blind, which is exactly how umpire Angel Hernandez operates behind the plate.

Maester Luwin is a veteran maester, but even when Ned Stark gets summoned south, he stays behind to train young Stark prospects. He's like a veteran Triple-A catcher who doesn't make it to the big show himself, like Crash Davis in "Bull Durham." While he trains Bran well, he gets his unconditional release from life when Theon and the Iron Islanders stab him.

Both Gregor Clegane and Lawrence Taylor were feared throughout the land, unstoppable helmet-wearing killers who showed no mercy to their opponents. And they delivered awful injuries — LT broke Joe Theismann's leg on "Monday Night Football," and The Mountain crushed Oberyn Martell's skull in front of the whole court at King's Landing.

Brynden "Blackfish" Tully survived the Red Wedding because he was outside relieving himself on a tree, which is what kicker Nick Novak did on the sidelines of a game against the Broncos in 2011. They're both accurate — Novak once made 32 straight field goals, while the Blackfish drilled his father's corpse at long range with a flaming arrow when his worthless nephew couldn't.

While Edmure Tully is an elite nobleman, it's not clear whether he can be part of a champion, like Carmelo Anthony.  Melo has trouble sticking with a team concept on defense, as does Edmure, who ignores Robb Stark's instructions and ruins a trap he set for the Lannisters. Edmure, like all the Tullys, loves boats, and Carmelo Anthony loves banana boats. Both struggle with shooting from distance, though Edmure might be able to hit his father's funeral boat if he wore a hoodie.

The Night King is impossibly old but leads an army of white guys out of the snow every time winter comes, and he's difficult to beat. Sounds like Tom Brady to us. It doesn’t matter which young upstart challenges him; he’s unstoppable. And the only thing that even has a chance to slow him down is an elite defensive line — either Justin Tuck or "the greatest army the world has ever seen."

Jaqen H'ghar is a Faceless Man, meaning he can become anyone and change faces at will, while former NBA star Jim Jackson did that with jerseys, playing for a record 12 different teams. Jackson could also play four positions, showing versatility worthy of the House of Black and White. He mentored younger players and could be an assassin late in games. There's no truth to the rumor that H'ghar became a Faceless Man because his friend stole Toni Braxton away from him.

An unstoppable force, the Most Dominant Ever, Drogon rains destruction from the sky, dunking on all opponents and shattering dreams. Even in hopeless situations, like when Daenerys was surrounded by assassins from the Sons of the Harpy or when the Lakers were down 15 points in the fourth quarter of Game 7 against Portland, Drogon/Shaq save the day. Also, they both do a lot of commercials.

Another absolutely dominant, game-changing athlete, Viserion/LeBron can’t be defended. LeBron has ice water in his veins; Viserion literally shoots ice fire. But like LeBron, Viserion is willing to switch teams, taking his talents north of the Wall after the Night King kills him in a tough battle. And while Viserion destroyed the Wall last season, LeBron destroyed the Lakers organization, two things that were held together by Magic.

Yes, the famous theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking had an athletic career! He was on the crew team at Oxford University, where he served as a coxswain. Both of these guys are well-educated, strategic geniuses, and coxswain is the perfect role for Hawking or Tyrion, because being small is an advantage, and the job is simply riding in a boat and screaming at bigger and stronger people. It’s definitely a job you can do while drunk.

Janos Slynt might be the most despicable character on "Game of Thrones." First, he’s the incompetent head of the City Watch who betrays Ned Stark and as a result gets a spot on the small council and is named Lord of Harrenhal. He also murders a baby, hides during a battle rather than fights and gets his head chopped off for insubordination. Is Dwight Howard really as bad as that? Yes.

Tycho Nestoris is an agent of the Iron Bank of Braavos, the richest organization in Westeros, just as the Yankees are the richest baseball team. Tycho claims to be extremely rational, caring only about numbers and nothing else. Yet he decides to first fund Stannis and then support Cersei. The first is an awful bet; the second is morally reprehensible, which is exactly how we would describe Yankees GM Brian Cashman giving long-term deals to Jacoby Ellsbury and the reprehensible Aroldis Chapman.

Nymeria Sand, the biggest plotter among the Sand Snakes, is a whip expert. That means her sports counterpart is legendary jockey Eddie Arcaro, who won the Triple Crown twice and the Kentucky Derby five times. Arcaro was known for his ability to seamlessly switch his whip from one hand to the other, which is a trick Nymeria should have tried when she was fighting Euron Greyjoy.

Tommen Baratheon and Greg Louganis both got hurt taking memorable dives from high places. Tommen didn't survive, while Louganis bounced back from hitting his head on the board to win Olympic gold.

Like Robb Stark, Colin Kaepernick had a great deal of initial success, dominating in cold weather (Green Bay; the Whispering Wood) and winning many battles, although he never won the big one. Then he struggled after his leader was let go (Jim Harbaugh, Ned Stark) and made some self-defeating decisions (anthem protest, breaking his marriage deal with Walder Frey). Finally, his enemies colluded and brought him down (losing backup jobs to Nathan Peterman, Red Wedding). Ironically, Robb could have survived had he bent the knee, whereas kneeling was Kaepernick's biggest problem.

Catelyn Stark was a beloved mother and developed a great program at Winterfell with a ton of talent, but her in-game decision-making left a lot to be desired. Releasing Jaime Lannister from captivity was the equivalent of Pete Carroll throwing the ball at the goal line instead of handing off to Marshawn Lynch. We'd have to say that her kidnapping of Tyrion Lannister was like Carroll keeping Reggie Bush on the sidelines for a crucial 4th-and-2 play against Texas.

Like Theon Greyjoy, Jim Abbott continued to compete despite missing a crucial piece of his anatomy. Abbott even threw a no-hitter, which is also what Theon delivered in his fight to save his sister from his uncle when Euron Greyjoy attacked their fleet: no hits.