NBA Weekend Awards: The Larry Legend Cake & The Wilt Chamberlain Trophy winners

The Wilt Chamberlain Trophy: For excellence in scoring. This weekend it's John Wall, putting the Wizards on his back with a 42-point effort in their closeout game with the Hawks. 16-25 from the field and 9-10 from the line goes a long way. And while Wall rightfully receives acclaim for his passing and his assist totals, his team seems truly excel when he's first looking to score. Wilt would agree: sharing is fine, but you really need to focus on getting your own shot.

The Larry Legend Cake: For putting up 33! That goes to Isaiah Thomas, who followed up his 33 points in the closeout game against the Bulls with another 33 in the first game with the Wizards. Now Isaiah isn't the Hick From French Lick, but he did get his front tooth knocked out against Washington and what says “hick” more than missing teeth?

The "From My Cold Dead Hands" Award: To Jason Terry, who is going to keep putting up shots until he's dead. He's playing in his 18th season right now for the Milwaukee Bucks, and honestly working more as a coach than he is a regular NBA player. Nonetheless, he hit two clutch three-pointers in a furious Milwaukee comeback in Game Six. Maybe the Bucks could have pulled off the upset if he had tattooed "Eastern Conference Second Round Participant" onto his bicep. Maybe DeShawn Stevenson's tattoo artist was busy with the BIG3 draft?

The Birdman Trophy: For bad decisions in dunking. The Greek Freak had a coming out party in this year's first round, wowing observers with his scoring and defense and all around freakiness. But sometimes it's clear that he is still very very young. After the aforementioned Milwaukee comeback got them the ball down three with 14 seconds left, Antetokounmpo abandoned the three-pointer or the “quick two” in favor of the rarely-seen "slow two."

He saw a lane to the basket and decided to dunk furiously. The thunderous jam stunned the crowd! Or perhaps the crowd was stunned because he only cut the lead to one, and there were only three seconds left. Milwaukee had to foul, they were out of timeouts, and their final desperation pass was stolen as time expired.

It pains us to say this, because Giannis throwing down monstrous violent dunks was one of the best parts of the entire basketball season. But this time, dunking was a terrible decision. Sometimes, you can’t help it. It’s just time for the Birdman to fly.

Médaille d’Joan of Arc: For improbable French comebacks. Rudy Gobert looked like he was a lost cause 17 seconds into the serious with the Clippers, when he went down with an ankle injury. The Stifle Tower had collapsed! But clearly Rudy saw visions of angels, urging him to rehab the ankle and return for Game Four. He returned and single-handedly lifted the Clippers siege of the offensive glass. After a series of valiant battles, he received six fouls in only 13 minutes in Game 7 — probably because the referees were Burgundian sympathizers — and was imprisoned on the bench. The Jazz hope this continues and against the Warriors, he catches fire.

Sean Spicer Cross of Valour: For bailing on tough questions. Fred Hoiberg actually did a worse job hanging in and answering tough questions than Spicer on his worst day, when after Game 5, he was asked about his allegation that Isaiah Thomas always carries the ball. He did not handle the question well! I don’t think Melissa McCarthy will bother learning this impression, however.

Popeyes on Tuesday Award: For cheap fouls. Chris Paul, come on down! From falling down on drives, to flopping on half-court heaves, Chris Paul turned the least contact into the most free throws. But in Game 7, he suffered the basketball equivalent of the boy who flopped wolf, seemingly injuring his ankle falling down on a play where no one touched him. Just like eating multiple two-piece specials from Popeye's, too many cheap fouls will make you sit down for a while. Or the injury was fake too. Nothing is real, and we are living in a computer simulation. A simulation that never goes pack the second round.

The Quadruple Missy Elliott Trophy: For men who can’t last past one four minutes without losing steam and going to sleep. This is for the Washington Wizards, who started the game like the 2007 Patriots (16-0) before falling completely apart, like the 2007 Super Bowl Patriots. Suddenly the Wizards couldn’t stand the rain of threes. The Celtics managed to work it around to Isaiah Thomas for open jumpers. And surprise second-half starter Marcus Smart got his Greek Freak on, snatching steals all over the court. All around they were supa dupa fly. The Wizards were broken off their rhythm, and showed Boston what they got: an extremely thin bench when Markieff Morris is out.

Sam Hinkie Memorial Prize: For ambitious, forward-thinking analytics that leads to missing lots of games. This goes to the NBA schedule makers. The league is supposedly as data-driven as ever, yet the playoff schedule last week featured a weekday game starting at 3 P.M. on the West Coast, and a Saturday devoid of any playoff games at all. Maybe if they put SportVU cameras in the schedule makers’ offices, the NBA could glean more insight. Until then, they’ll be tanking ratings for better lottery odds.

NBA Weekend Awards 4/24: Who takes home the Wilt Chamberlain Trophy?